Eugene and the Beast
by WritersProse
Summary: Eugene begins to desire his old days as Flynn Rider back. While he loves his darling Rapunzel, he begins to find the kingdom surrounding her to be a bit of a bore. That was until he met a Beast.


Having been married for over two years, Eugene and Rapunzel had become the very definition of a happy balanced couple. The kingdom couldn't be happier for the two as they moved forward with their lives. Neither of them had truly been faced with any real responsibility. Princess Rapunzel was a figure to be admired more than she was an individual with true political weight. The figures that held the power within the kingdom were her parents, the King and Queen. Eugene and Rapunzel lead a simple life, able to enjoy each others company almost every single moment of the day and night.

Princess Rapunzel spent much of her time sewing and making outfits with all sorts of materials that she would have never obtained if she hadn't escaped from Mother Gothel. Eugene, on the other hand, spent much of his time merely walking about the castle hoping for something to occupy his time with. Though the blissful evenings with Rapuznel were more than he could have ever hoped for, everyone in the kingdom took note of his restlessness. There weren't many thrills in a kingdom where everything was in order. If something were to go array, the Princess was to be worried with it. The King and Queen took care of the situation without so much as a word.

One evening, after the couple had stayed up late with each others company, Eugene became lost in thought. Looking out towards the window, he was not in the room with his beloved. She recognized when he left her mentally. His eyes appeared to go dead, almost as if his soul had drifted from his body. While he thought of the freedoms he used to enjoy as the reckless Flynn Rider, Rapunzel pecked him sweetly on the cheek.

"Eugene," she sighed. "Could you try not to do that please?"

Eugene turned over and looked into her eyes passionately. Sensing an attempted diversion, Rapunzel placed a hand between their lips. This proved to be an effective barrier to keep him on point.

"Listen Eugene, we need to talk." Letting her hand barrier slip down, she met his gaze lovingly. "Could you please just tell me what has been bothering you?"

Eugene shook his head from side to side. He didn't seem to budge.

"Can I make a guess?" Her voice chimed like bells. He nodded solemnly. "You are getting stir crazy. You keep looking out the window because you want to go outside. You want to be free of all of this royal shenanigans. Well…" She leaned in to give him a kiss. "I'll request some time from my father. With you at my side and maybe a guard, I'm sure he will let yo-"

Falling back onto the pillow and staring up at the ceiling, Eugene tried his very best to think of a way to explain his emotions to her. It wasn't that he wasn't happy with her and her family. In fact, being with them made him the happiest he had ever been. There was a level of comfort and pleasure involved with royalty that he would have never had if he hadn't fallen in love with Rapunzel. Yet, another part of himself longed to know how it would feel to indulge in being Flynn Rider once again. He would sacrifice his relationship with Rapunzel for such selfish desires, yet it still tugged at his heart. He had to give up a dirtier sort of bliss to cherish the clean sort.

"You can take the thief away from the man, but you cannot take the man away from the thief."

Rapunzel raised an eyebrow. "Ooooh, it is one of those identity issues again, isn't it?"

He grabbed her hand softly, kissing it. No matter how he tried to deny it, she could always see through him. "I've told you that I love you more than anything, right?"

"Almost every day, silly."

He gulped. "I mean, here is the thing. I've just felt like I've matured so much since I first met you. And before that, I didn't really have to grow up at all. I could just do what I wanted whenever I wanted to do it." He tightened his grip around her hand and took one long deep breath. "I do love it here. I really do. I don't want you to start overthinking this and thinking that I'm going to start stealing your families jewels or anything. Believe me, I'm beyond that." Pecking her hand again, as if apologizing for what he were about to say. "I just sort of figured that I would be over this. Over thinking about what it was like to live outside of the law. But there is just this part of me that wants to feel that all over again. How it feels to just go running through the forest without a care in the world. How it feels to… to do something stupid." The gaze he received back was more than a bit puzzling. He couldn't tell if she was hurt or merely passive as she nodded her head silently in response. This was the situation that he always wanted to avoid, potentially scarring their bond by letting his most reckless fantasies come to light. As she nibbled her bottom lip, he let go of her hand. Perhaps lying would have been more considerate towards her feelings. "Don't worry," he tried to reassure her again. "I love you. I've just got baggage. It is all very-"

"Complicated," Rapunzel completed his sentence for him. "You're complicated, I know. And I'm simple."

"No," he took her hand again. "No, that isn't what I meant."

"But I am, Eugene." There was a fire that lit up within her eyes. Rapunzel was never the type to sulk or fall into depression for too long. There was always an upside to just about every situation from her perspective. "I never got the chance to leave my tower until only a few years ago. And you were there, Eugene. You were worldly. You had really lived. I've only been in the real world for, well… less than most children." She rested her head on his chest, listening as his heartbeat grew faster beneath her. "But you were just the opposite of me. I was clean. You were dirty and a bit smelly. You painted outside of the lines. I hardly knew what that even meant." She closed her eyes. "Being trapped inside of a cage was what I was used to. The little bit of freedom that I have here is freeing in comparison." The tips of her fingers traced up and down his stomach, hoping to calm him down and fall into a more sensuous state of mind. "You're probably bored here, even with me."

Stroking her hair slow and methodically, Eugene found himself stuck in yet another train of thought. He couldn't help but be amazed by her sometimes. She had hit the nail on the head. He was bored. That was what everything came down to. There was nothing exciting to do in a kingdom like this. The most amount of thrill he had managed to get was between the sheets, and even that tended to lose its luster after a short period of time.

He had to let go. For her sakes and for his, he just had to enjoy and accept the life that he had. Never in all of his years as a thief would he have imagined it would be so difficult to fall back into paradise.

Winking at her playfully, he placed a kiss teasingly on her neck. She giggled. Pulling herself up straight against the head of their bed, she grinned girlishly. To her, there was no greater comfort than this. This was what it meant to be happy. "I suppose it might be just a little trying passing time with the rest of us when you were such a rough and rugged rebel." Leaning in before he could say another word, she kissed him passionately upon the lips. Eugene was caught off guard, and for that moment, his worries melted away.

Breaking the kiss with a laugh, she poked the tip of his nose. "You look like you just got hit by a wagon." Sticking her tongue out in a pseudo mock, he couldn't help but join in on the laughter. "I suppose that living with a beautiful princess and inheriting her fortune was probably one of your boy fantasies."

"Well…" he nibbled her ear. "I'm living that one."

Pushing him off with both hands, she tried her best to keep him from going down a path that was too carnal. "You know what helps me out?"

"Make kissy face with me?"

"No!" She tried not laugh. "No. I make up a story."

"How does that help?"

"Well, it is good for an escape. You can be in charge of whoever you want. You can make them do whatever you want them to do."

"Uh-…huh?" This sounded just like the sort of thing Rapunzel would think up. When he was frustrated, he found someone who deserved a fist across the face. When she was frustrated, she probably found free paper and fantasized about fairy kingdoms.

"Well," she thought for a moment. "Maybe a demonstration will help." She leaped out of bed, and pulled up a chair. As she stretched in preparation, Eugene couldn't help but note just how ridiculous she looked. Was this always what she did before doing this sort of thing? Right before his eyes, Rapunzel was slipping back into her more childlike persona. Chuckling at her sudden burst of energy, he didn't dare say a word, worried that he might break her from her routine. "Alright," she finally said after a particularly memorable stretch that emitted an audible crack. "I came up with this one when I was about thirteen. It was about me meeting my Prince Charming."

"Now I'll know how longer the measuring stick is," Eugene responded sarcastically. His self applied oath of silence hadn't lasted very long.

"But you are much much nicer." She cleared her throat, spreading her arms wide. "Once upon a time, in a kingdom not too unlike our own, there lived a girl. A very pretty girl." Rapunzel became a bit antsy as she suddenly remembered that she had an actual audience for this performance. "In truth, the girl is pretty much supposed to be me. As I said I was young, and ummmm, ahem." Returning to her storyteller stance, she continued with her tale. "One day, there was a great celebration in the kingdom and everyone came from far and wide to see it. And so, this girl's parents decided that now would be as good of a time as any to let their daughter finally see fireworks. When they arrived at this celebration, however, something unexpected happened."

Allowing a moment for dramatic pause, Rapunzel glanced over to check Eugene's expression. He seemed modestly interested, though whether this was due to the absurdity of the story or her natural flair for bringing it to life she could hardly tell. "The lights of the universe were extinguished!" There was another pause. No response from Eugene. "The girl was left completely in the dark. It was as if the entire world had just turned off. She couldn't see anything. Within this confusion, she had become separated from her mother and father. But then…" Rapunzel sighed happily for effect. "A hand reached out and held hers. At first she was frightened at the prospect of a stranger holding her in such an intimate way, but once she heard his voice all of her worries had melted away. For his voice was soft like silk and his hands were strong and lean. She knew that as long as she held his hand, there was no reason to be afraid of anything." Closing her eyes, she was visibly basking in the glow of her own imaginings. "As the rest of the city panicked, the boy and the girl merely stood still, holding each other's hand for protection."

"If there is widespread panic, I'm not sure hand holding will do much good."

Rapunzel's eyes opened, completely taken out of the moment. "Well, they were young, I guess. When you're young the simplest things can give you comfort." She glared at him with just a touch of venom. He sank down, realizing that she was no doubt taking this far more seriously than he was. "Well, I suppose if you don't want to hear the rest of the story the-"

"Oh no, I'm interested. Just saying."

Focusing her gaze above Eugene's head as if looking off into the future, she fell back into her world. "As the boy and girl stood within all of the chaos, the boy became frightened. The girl knew that they would always be okay just as long as their hands were together. And so she leaned forward to give him a soft kiss. Then suddenly…" Rapunzel made a 'whooshing' sound with her mouth while moving her arms upwards once again. Eugene wondered why this motion was her particular favorite, but soon tossed it aside for fear that another witty remark would form in his head. "…the lights came back! And everything became clear and bright all around. The boy, much to the girl's surprise, had a crown upon his head. While there was a mess of dead bodies from those who had panicked in the dark, the girl and her new found Prince had managed to remain safe. Just staying with one another and holding hands. And when the girl looked at the rest of the boy, she was… well…" She tripped over her words a bit. Eugene had already mentioned something about a measuring stick. "… he wasn't as handsome or rugged as you. But they both lived happily ever after, regardless."

Eugene snickered. "But you are much MUCH handsomer," she repeated.

"And then, as their eyes met, the lights around them began to surge. They shined with a pink hue, and everyone in the kingdom was enamored with this new found light. For you see, it was…" Rapunzel allowed herself one final arm spread before the story came to a close. "The power of love had restored the light!"

Eugene smiled and clapped his hands together. "And did they make little devils?"

"Oh yes," Rapunzel nodded enthusiastically. "Seven of them. "

"S-Seven?"

She jumped back into bed, landing right onto Eugene's lap. Thankfully, she was light, otherwise Eugene would have been in a lot of pain. "We don't need to have that many, though. I won't hold you to it."

Playing with her short brown hair with his left hand, he whispered into her ear. "I'm game if you are."

She blushed crimson red. "Eugene!"

"You don't want to have a lot of kids?"

"I…" she got lost in her own thoughts. "I honestly don't know. To be honest, I didn't really think about it. We are still so, I mean, we're still young. And my family doesn't really care if we do or not. As long as we're happy, right?"

"Right, maybe seven isn't the right number. Maybe eight?"

"Eight! I'm not sure if I could handle eight."

"See, it could work like this. Four for you, four for me. It works magically!"

"Maybe…"

The room went silent for a moment as Rapunzel continued to blush and Eugene twirled some of her hair around his index finger. After a few moments it seemed as though she were going to add more to the conversation. Eugene leaned closer. "What?" With a giggle and a peck on the cheek, she pushed him off the side of the bed.

"Owwww… Rapunzel!"

"It's your turn. Make it a knock out!"

Eugene got to his feet, rubbing his back as he made his way to the chair. He really didn't want to do this. This was not at all the way he wanted to spend his free time. It might have been amusing to see Rapunzel get transported with her own fable, but he wasn't that type. He hardly ever danced. He wasn't a good actor unless put in a life or death situation. And most important of all, he did not do theatre. Even with his sweetheart as the only person watching him.

He reminded himself that this wasn't for him. This was for her. Her smile was worth much more than his dignity. If he could manage to keep her entertained for a few minutes, it would be well worth the effort.

Sitting down in the chair, Eugene met her gaze stoically. "What kind of story do you want to hear?"

"No Eugene, that is not how this works."

"How does it work?"

She smiled. "Just do what I did! Make something up or draw from your experience."

If he drew from his own experience, as she had suggested, he knew just what kind of story it would be. It certainly wouldn't involve two people holding hands and restoring peace to the universe.

"What if it isn't a nice story?"

Rapunzel prepped her pillow behind her to form an adequate headrest and smiled. "Eugene, I know that you weren't always a nice person. Let some of it out. Don't think. Just tell. Have fun."

His shoulders scrunched up. He had a number of stories about Flynn Rider that he could tell, but none of them were things he would like for her to hear. They had gone over some of his misadventures in passing, but he hardly told her the whole truth. Some things were often better left untold.

"Alright." He bolted upright and clicked his fingers flamboyantly. "This is the tale of a child named Flynn Rider and a boy named Eugene Fitzherbert. The child was an outlaw. This outlaw dared to do the undareable. Steal the unstealable. Do unimaginably devilish and sneaky things when the law had its back turned." Rapunzel cooed, cheering him on. "And the other was a boy whom didn't quite know what to do with himself. He was just sort of along for the ride. The two of them fought over the same body. More often than not, Flynn managed to win out. Though now he wouldn't care to admit it, Eugene had always wanted to be like Flynn. And that is why he allowed him to gain control. Because Flynn could be everything that Eugene couldn't."

Eugene's expression changed as he attempted to string together what he was going to say next. There was a moment of silence as he began to formulate his next move. He certainly couldn't tell her about the time he had managed to win a night with a drunken barmaid by cheating in a game of poker. That would be far from appropriate. Most of his best tales were not at all appropriate fare to be sharing with his wife. In fact, the only real true to life story that he could possibly divulge would be the one that he had shared with her. That day his whole life changed.

Finally, the solution dawned on him. Without a moment to spare, he thrust his hand forward with his palm opened, as if to indicate that the real story was about to begin. "Then one day, Flynn met Snow White!"

"Snow White?" Rapunzel seemed more than a bit intrigued by the name. "So who was this Snow White?"

"Why, my lady, she was only the fairest maiden in the land! Her skin was fair as snow, hence the name. Her hair was raven black and beyond gorgeous. Oh, almost everyone in the kingdom raved about her beauty. But there was one woman who wasn't too happy about it. No no no! She wasn't happy one bit."

Rapunzel fluffed her pillow some more, preparing for a long story whether Eugene planned it or not. She had a lot of questions prepared for him. It would be good to flex his creative muscles. "She was probably a jealous old woman," Rapunzel commented.

"Oh yes, yes she was. But you would be surprised though. She was actually quite the looker herself. She just, well, she wasn't quite as hot as Snow White. She even had…" Eugene thought for a moment. What kind of a magical object would a vain woman use to spy on others. A telescope? A portal? "… a magic mirror! You see, she kept this mirror on the wall, and anytime she asked the mirror a question it would response back with absolute truth."

"So if she were to ask if she were prettier than Snow White, would it still tell the truth?"

Eugene smiled. Thankfully, she was managing to contribute to the story, as he was just about to run out of steam. With a sudden feeling of guilt, he realized something rather cruel. His comments always managed to knock her down, pointing out how ridiculous or silly something she told was. Her comments, on the other hand, were always encouraging. They helped him along, even when they were just simple questions. "Oh my dear, that is exactly how she found out about the situation! You're already getting ahead of me. I think you deserve a round of applause." He clapped until she motioned with her hand to continue with the tale. "She went up to the magic mirror and she asked it who was the prettiest. And the mirror, well, the mirror told her the truth. It was Snow White. Not her."

"What did the Queen do when she found out, Eugene? Did sh-"

"She ordered to have her killed!"

Rapunzel leaned forward.

"Now, she couldn't just hire any person to do the job. She certainly couldn't get her hands all dirty with blood either. The girl had caught the eye of the Prince, so axing her off without a commotion was going to be tough." Eugene sported a devilish grin. "That is where Flynn Rider came in."

"No!"

"Yes! The Queen came to Flynn Rider, hearing that he was quite the huntsman (and not bad looking to boot). She asked if he could take care of a girl. Flynn nodded and asked how dead she wanted her meat. The Queen asked that he not only kill the girl." Leaning over the foot of the bed, Eugene stared Rapunzel down menacingly. "She asked that he bring the heart of the girl as proof."

Rapunzel gulped. Eugene had a feeling that it was more for show than out of actual suspense. "But surely he didn't." She nodded. "Eugene stopped him."

"Alas cutie, you tell the tale before I get the chance to tell it! As Flynn approached the girl with the knife in his hand, her beauty took Eugene entirely by surprise. Inside of their mind, Eugene yelled and screamed for Flynn to drop the knife and consider what he was about to do." Eugene sighed as he sat down into his chair, trying out one of those dramatic pauses that Rapunzel seemed to be so found of. In truth, he was planning to continue the story with Eugene and Snow White riding off into the sunset together. That was Eugene's and Rapunzel's ending. He had to come up with something different. This story needed something different. "And on that day, Eugene had won. Eugene allowed for Snow to run into the woods before the Queen could suspect a thing. The man was so taken by her beauty and kind spirit that he presented the Queen with the heart of a pig instead of Snow White's heart."

"Did the Queen notice?"

"The Queen didn't notice a thing. She wasn't the brightest broad in the kingdom" A whole different twist had suddenly come to his mind. He thought of an entirely different way to end the tale. "That was, until, Queeny consulted with her mirror. She asked, yet again, who was the most beautiful woman in the world. The mirror, once again bound by truth, had to admit yet again that it was none other than Snow White! The heart that she carried was, well, not Snow's that was for sure." Eugene chuckled, noticing that Rapunzel was hanging on to his every last word. He had to admit, this was actually turning out to be a good time. Maybe he had a little more of a flair for the theatrical than he had ever cared to admit. She was always seemed to be right about these sorts of things. "And of course, this didn't sit well with her one bit. She asked where her huntsman Flynn Rider had gone off to. No matter who she asked or where she looked, Flynn Rider was not to be found. And luckily…" Eugene made a chinking sound to simulate the sound of gold coins. "He had gotten away with more than a bit of the Queen's treasure as payment."

Taking a bow in front of an enthusiastically applauding Rapunzel, Eugene felt a surge of satisfaction come over him. The story wasn't bad. In fact, for something that he had made up entirely on the spot, it was actually quite good. He never thought that he would be good at make believe, and yet here he was. Telling a silly story to his wife without any shred of his previous sense of dignity

Rapunzel leapt from her bed and embraced him, closing her arms around his chest. "See," she said. "Now wasn't that fun."

"Yeah. Yeah, it kind of was, actually."

Pulling him back into bed, they huddled up together. Eugene held her as tight as he could, not wanting to let go. She always knew just what to say. She always knew just what was going to cheer him up. Though his desire for the old days wasn't going to vanish over night, having a bit of fun with the spirit of those days proved to be unexpected form of escapism. For just the briefest moment, he felt as though he were in his own story, completely in charge of his own destiny.

Just as his wife told him it would.

Eugene sighed blissfully as he held his beautiful princess.

Suddenly, Rapunzel felt as if she went boneless. His body grip loosened as well, wondering just what kind of idea had come to her now. "You know, you're actually not bad at that. Maybe you should try writing some of it down? "

"Maybe for story time with Rapunzel, yeah. But who else is going to want to hear about the many adventures of Flynn Rider? Well…" Eugene stopped for a moment. In all actuality, there were probably plenty of people who would love to hear about the many adventures of Flynn Rider, just for all of the wrong reasons. "I mean, making my life sound far more exciting than it actually was through made up stories does have a certain ring to it, but I don't want anybody else to hear them."

Rapunzel left a tender kiss on his lips. "Well, maybe the rest of the world doesn't need to read it. Maybe it will be a secret treasure trove. Just for you and me." She grinned in that special way that never failed to make his heart melt. There wasn't a chance in the world that he was going to turn down a smile like that. There was also no chance he would turn down something that seemed to make her smile this much. "And then you could read it out loud at night, just like how you told me about Snow White."

He nodded before he gave himself a moment to think. He could easily just pop out a simple story for her every night to keep her interest. This didn't need to become a new obsession, after all. Just another one of the small things he would do for his Princess. "Yeah, just don't get your hopes up too high. I'm not going to be producing fine art or anything."

"Well, you certainly know more about Flynn Rider than anyone else I know. He was your inspiration to be, well…" She pointed towards him. "You. So just write how you would expect a Flynn Rider story to be written. Just with your own wrinkle."

"Well," he shrugged. "Why not? For you blondie, I'd jump through a flaming hoop."

She planted a dozen little kisses all over him. "I'm sure it will be great." Her head rested softly on his lap. "And even if it isn't, I will love it regardless."

"You aren't really that hard to please."

"Eugene…"

"What? You aren't."

* * *

Rubbing his eyes wearily, Eugene looked down at this current project. The title gleamed underneath the candlelight. He let the title stretch out over the entire first page of his ever growing fictional pile, as if to emphasis the grand scale of the following paragraphs.

Having spent the last several evenings outlining the story and finally getting the first chapter all down on paper, he now felt that it was at least presentable to his princess. He did exactly what he had promised he wouldn't. He had gotten far too into his stories. Without much more to do around the castle, he found that he had spent far too many hours dreaming what kind of crazy adventures Flynn Rider could do. Writing by the candelight was wrecking havoc on his eyes, but it was all worth it. It was worth it to be able to temporarily be Flynn Rider again. The entire royal world melted away as his quill moved across the paper. He was returning back to the world of male fantasy, where he could steal from anyone while potentially sleeping with their daughters. He frequently had to censor himself as he went along, finding that he got more than a bit carried away.

Now it was as final as it was ever going to be. He was ready.

"Well," he called out to Rapunzel. "Looks like tonight is going to be the night."

Rapunzel had spent most of her day walking about the kingdom engaging in random conversations with anyone she could. Having returned in the evening, she laid exhausted on the bed. Eugene often wondered just what she found to occupy herself to such a degree.

Leaning forward towards the feet of the bed, where their one seat stage had already been prepared, she gleamed with good will.

"So," Rapunzel watched as Eugene took his seat. "Surprise me."

Eugene rolled his eyes. Rapunzel wasn't going to look at a single thing that he created skeptically. Sometimes he wished that he could see the world through her eyes. He wished that he could eat up anything that was fed to him regardless of its quality. That was a gift.

With his audience clearly in mind, his confidence came rushing through him. It wouldn't take much. If a silly made up story about a girl with a ridiculous name like Snow White had managed to entertain her, this would no doubt knock her socks off.

"It isn't exactly a tale as old as time, but here it is. Flynn Rider and the Beast. By me."

With that, he read the first chapter aloud without any interruptions.

* * *

There are some days when a guy just can't win. I suppose that expecting a victory against a hairy monstrosity without any sense of personal hygiene is a failing of his own imagination, if I really stop to think about it. As I strapped my horse (stolen from an attractive young lady whom could surely buy a new one), I set off from my current resting place under a rather large and comfortable tree. Leaving this temporary home behind was quite the challenge, that was, until I looked down the road ahead of me. Over the last few weeks, I hadn't exactly had my share of thrills and chills. For that matter, I had only managed to steal some lunches from some passing guards. Such silly acts were like shooting fish and a barrel, and I knew that I could do better. After all, I was Flynn Rider. Flynn Rider laughs in the face of danger. Hohoho, and that sort of thing. So without further ado, I jumped onto my horse and rode off. Though it had frequently tried to buck me off of its back, I was under the assumption that it was beginning to like me. If I were a horse, I'd much rather prefer the company of a dainty pretty thing (like his previous rider), but I digress.

Riding down the road, watching as the trees streamed past my face, my adventure loving mind was out in its natural habitat. Somehow it was picking up on something that I hadn't quite picked up on yet. That this would be one of Flynn Rider's most daring and strangest adventures yet. It was just me, my horse, and the wind slapping against my face. Managing to shake the trail of any guards lusting for their sandwiches back, I was free as a blue jay. That freedom is what I lived for. It was my own personal vice.

After having ridden along on this aimless crusade for several hours, I had come to the conclusion that adventure just wasn't in store for me today. In fact, if there was any sort of adventure to be had, it would be getting out of this dark and menacing forest I had managed to get tangled up in. Suddenly, as if answer to my desires, there appeared a fork in the road. Looking between the left side and the right side with an eye for examination, I made out my options. One side seemed to be an easier trail with fair bits of green and plant life surrounding it. The other path, much to my excitement, looked incredibly creepy and disconcerting. The Eugene inside of me told me to go down the easier path and get the hell out of that forest. That didn't sit too well with the Flynn Rider side of my personality, whom then engaged Eugene (metaphorically, of course) in a duel to the death. Flynn won, leaving Eugene's bloody corpse down in the dust. I took the more menacing route, almost in hopes that something terrible might just happen to me. Taking the safe route wasn't going to quench my thirst for adventure, and I knew sooner or later I would regret it and wonder just what was done that creepy old path. You never know what kind of goodies you find in the dark and shadowy corners that no one bothers to look in.

My horse trotted forward rather reluctantly, and I must say that I didn't particularly blame him. The wind blowing through the trees managed to play wild tricks on one's ears, even a pair so keen as mine. At times you could hear a low growling, as though some sort of wild creatures were on the prowl. I chalked this up to just being a part of my wild imagination, but I'll admit that I was a little more than on the edge. The whole venture was greatly exciting, but I was starting to get this sneaking suspicion that I made a mistake. That if I didn't go back soon, I would likely be eaten alive in this place. The horse, clearly having caught on to my nervous stature, bolted forward with a sudden jerk. I tried to hold on the best that I could, but he was making it rather difficult on me. A smile spread across my face as we moved faster and faster down the path of danger. This invigorating pace continued for several minutes, making my smile spread further and further.

This was the kind of thing that I lived for. Making grave errors and having to find a way out of them afterwards. What fun!

Finally, as if emerging from a dense fog, I suddenly realized just what was down that path. Why everything seemed to be so intimidating and frightening. From the back of my horse whom still seemed to be in quite a terror, I caught a glance at the most gothic castle I had ever seen. This was also where my horse had suddenly decided that now was a good time to kick me off. Again, can't blame em'. Creepy castles in the middle of nowhere aren't exactly everyone's cup of tea. Just those of us strange enough to get some sort of crazed thrill out of it. Hitting the ground in front of the places black gates, however, was not a happy feeling. After a moan and a groan, I got back to my feet to inspect the place first place.

My dear listener/reader (especially the cute one with the spunky brown hair), if adventure were to take form as a physical location, this castle would be it. My mind couldn't help but ponder just what sort of mind would of dreamed up its macabre design. There were gargoyles crawling over almost every inch of the place, staring down at me from the castles upper heights. Who makes those many statues to protect their property anymore? I had honestly never seen anything else quite like it. The castle was tipping over the edge of looking straight out evil. I could only imagine that the master of the place would be the same. My imagination boiled out a rather stern looking slender man with greasy black hair and leather gloves. He would no doubt be the sort of eccentric that you wouldn't want to mess with, for fear of being the target for some sort of twisted punishment.

It was with this mental image engrained deeply into my mind that I began to approach the gates. Maybe I was just as crazy as my new imaginary adversary was. The very thought of, well, trapping myself in a haunted castle such as this was too much for my mind to resist. It was too dark, too weird, and too terrifying for me to possibly pass up.

Like any logical person would have given the circumstances, my horse scampered off in the opposite direction of said freaky castle as fast as his hooves could carry him. The poor fellow was no doubt scared half to death, but I wasn't the most sympathetic person back in those days. Snorting with a cocky air of disapproval, I continued to stride forward, trying my best to convince myself that I wasn't afraid of the place. Just excited. Very very excited. Perhaps it was just the moonlight in the sky shining down upon the structure, but I was beginning to get that thrill that only seemed to come when I was doing something incredibly stupid. Something so stupid, in fact, that it would no doubt get me killed or thrown into a prison cell. The possibility of getting chased by a creepy man with a sneer that would make the devil's toes curl wasn't bad incentive either. In fact, I welcomed the image. Now that would be a voyage worth bragging about to one's fellow thieves. If they were even to believe me, of course.

Pushing lightly on the gates, I was surprised to find that they creaked open without much effort at all. It was then that I came to the conclusion that, if there were anyone living here, surely they weren't the sharpest tools in the box. Either that or they had no real desire to hold onto their material possessions. Or, and this was the best possibility of all, this was all a set-up. The very moment I were to walk through those doors, the Lord or Duke or whatever of the castle would dash out of the shadows and give me the scare of my life. After that, there would be a daring chase, and I'd manage to escape the castle with a couple scraped knees and some treasure to boot.

I hoped more than anything that this wouldn't prove to be a challenge less heist. There would be no fun in that whatsoever. It was late at night, so I told myself that chances were pretty good that I could creep in and out of the place without being detected at all. And if I did manage to get caught, who is going to come after an agile guy like me with such a nice hunting knife? Well, unless they had a gun of some sort. Or a bigger knife. Or a sword. Not to mention that a castle that size would no doubt have servants or guards or something of the like. It could be a couple dozen men versus one daring thief.

In truth, there was no foreseeable outcome where this would end well.

Looking down the long bridge that led up to the massive front doors, I may have salivated just a bit. Putting my game face on, I began to conjure up a plan. It wasn't much, but it helped bring my enthusiasm up to a near unbearable level. I put my mind to the task of thinking out the front entrance. Surely there would be guards of some kind near there. Or at least a little ol' nanny running here and there. No place this loaded wouldn't. Going in through there would likely cause quite the fuss. Scratching this option from my mind, I looked up at the many windows around the castle. Now, I profess that I am quite the climber, but even I wouldn't be crazy enough to attempt that sort of challenge. Almost all of the edges of the castle overlooked what, at least from the angle I was looking at, was a bottomless fall. If I were to loose my grip, I would be loosing my life. Dying there would mean that I wouldn't even get a glimpse of the inside of the place.

No, I told myself. If I were going to be crazy, I was going to be bold about it. Just think of the scare I would make if I entered the front entrance just on my lonesome. I don't doubt my running skills. If it ended up that my life was in true jeopardy, I could easily leap out of a window of some sort, grab onto a ledge, and acrobat my way out. This, in my mind, was the most joyous option. So, without anymore judgment on my part, I ran up to the doors and gave into my lust. My lusts had a nasty tendency of always overpowering my common sense. If worse came to worst, I could always chicken out and claim sanctuary due to my horse running out on me. It would actually be true. What would they say to that? Well, they might say something after I took their jewelry with their hospitality, but that is neither here nor there.

Bidding the forest behind me farewell with a wink and a wave (as though someone were there), I ran up to the front doors of the castle and pushed into it with all of my body weight. No doubt this wouldn't be unlocked too...

...and what do you know? It was unlocked! All sense of danger and consequence went away in a rush, as the gargantuan and heavy doors creaked open without much racket. All of my body weight was not making much of an impact upon them. I sighed, placed both hands upon the door, and pushed. With a bit of effort, I entered the castle. With a sigh, I came to the conclusion that this was just going to be another job. Robbing from the rich was just all too easy sometimes. I had to feed myself into some sort of a delusion that this could be some sort of nefarious plot to lure me into a false sense of security. That at any moments, the guards would be circling around me like vultures waiting for the kill. Perhaps there was some sort of trip wire on the inside that would send me tumbling and set off some sort of alarm. Then the master of the house would come scampering forth with some sort of carving device and attempt to have my skin for a throw rug. That would be until, of course, I made my escape with a laugh and a grin.

Cutting the fantasies for a moment, I actually started to look around the place. This was quite some hall! Large, luxurious, and with a red carpet running down the middle to boot. There was a stairway that met at the end of the room, splitting off into two separate stairs half way up. One going in the right direction, and one going in the left. And that tile. Don't get me started on that tile. It looked as though it were made from pure polished stone. Disturbing Gothic furnishings besides, the place was plain out cold. Gorgeous perhaps, but it sent a shiver down my spine. The closest sort of metaphor that I could think of to describe would be a beautiful royal woman with all of the jewels and fancy clothes that go with it. If you can look past the fact that she has been dead for over a decade and has been buried under ground for a while, she wasn't bad looking. Not that I'm suggesting anything beyond the ordinary. I just had such strange feelings at the time. It was like being in the fanciest grave you had ever seen. It was surely a sight to behold, but I couldn't imagine a single soul wanting to call this place their home. I'd hate to be the one having to go through its halls in the middle of the night when the call of nature came on. I'm not sure I'd even make it with all of the freaky old statues gazing at me.

Clearing my throat in a strange attempt at testing the water, I sighed yet again. If the giant creaking door hadn't already alerted them, not much of anything would. What a chore. With the most minimal amount of energy I could spare, I glanced around the hall for something that I could possibly snatch. If it wasn't going to be thrill, it could at least be productive. Perhaps making my way through the forest on foot with nothing but a bag full of goodies and a hunting knife would suffice for my beating rebellious heart. The first thing that caught my eye was a candlestick and a clock.

I must stop and prepare my beautiful reader for what is about to divulge. This was, no doubt, the strangest thing that had ever happened to me. Yes, even more strange than dueling with a horse with a frying pan. Far stranger than that. The following excerpts are going to sound beyond ridiculous. Hell, the entire rest of this story is going to sound like the ravings of a lunatic. But I swear to you, every word of it is true. Even this upcoming bit.

So, figuring that the both of them would likely afford me a couple of days at a cheap inn someplace, I quickly snatched up the candlestick. At first glance, there appeared to be nothing out of place about it. It had a golden center. There was one candle sticking out of the center and two candles branching from the left and the right arms. You know, pretty mundane. I didn't give a second thought to extinguishing its flames with my fingers and started to motion it towards my hands.

Little did I know that this seemingly innocent candlestick was more than he appeared to be.

It took me a moment for my eyes to register just what was happening with it. I couldn't believe that a candlestick could have completely functioning eyeballs and a mouth. And a nose! These features, which were practically invisible near moments ago, became abundantly clear when it began to speak.

"If you are planning on stealing me, Monsieur, you will have to try harder than that."

I froze. My heartbeat quickened. That chill which I had thought had completely vanished was back. Dropping the candlestick on the floor, I rubbed my eyes to be sure that .my marbles hadn't spilled Not only did it speak, but it also moved. Upon impacting on the floor, he repositioned himself to stand erect once more. Did it have muscles? I would have never imagined that the materials upon such an object would be elastic enough to allow such fluid motions.

But there it was. A walking talking candlestick. I had lost it. I must have lost it. I wasn't seeing what I was thinking I was seeing. It just wasn't possible.

Somewhere, the side of myself that wasn't drowning in insanity was looking upon this whole situation and laughing hysterically. I could imagine him saying something along the lines of: Oh, that Eugene. It was bound to happen him to him sooner or later. What with his Flynn Rider delusion and all. The boy is crazy in more than one way, I can tell you that much.

Or this was just one of those crazy dreams that is beyond surreal, yet all too immersive. One of those dreams you get from eating bad fish during particularly rainy weather. I'd wake up with a gorgeous young play thing across my stomach (I wished), and I could forget all about the creepy candle guy. I'd go steal some food, swashbuckle a bit, and find a home by sundown.

As if to bring me back down to reality, the strange factor doubled. The clock that was standing completely stoic next to the candlestick near moments ago leapt from the table onto the floor. "Lumiere, quit messing around! If there is a mysterious stranger within the house, you know who needs to know about it, hmmm?" The clock stared up at me. It also had eyes and a mouth. How did I not notice all of this before? "What are you gaping at, sir? Never robbed an enchanted castle before?"

Not being the type to believe in such ridiculous concepts as enchantments or curses (ironic considering my future), I shook the comment away. Clearly the ticking monster wanted to intimidate me. Who knows what would happen if you were to rob an enchanted castle, after all. Maybe you would get a curse on you or something as equally preposterous.

The candle guy, whom I shall refer to as Lumiere from this point on, walked over to the side of the clock. How he walked was a marvel in and of itself. Apparently, and this was all that my eyes could really discern from all of the days that I had spent inside of that wretched place, it was a mixture of forward momentum and the subtle folding of his base. Yet, somehow, he had managed to pull off such motions in a manner that didn't seem awkward in the slightest. It just seemed natural to the little guy. This was the thing that sent me over the edge. As you the reader would no doubt say, I was just about to 'freak out'. "I must apologize for his lack of hospitality," Lumiere bowed. "But we do not often get individuals brave enough to attempt robbery."

I gulped. The candle guy was talking to me. What do you say to a candle guy with a weird accent? All of my common knowledge and sense was being tossed right out of the window. Now I had to consider how to have conversation with one so weird. Scratching the back of my neck to keep myself anchored, I opened my mouth. "You seem to take kindly to someone who was just about to bag you." There was no use in denying it. He caught me red handed. Hell, he was in my red hands. If this was some sort of crazy dellusion, I could at least face the delusion with some amount of self respect. "I-I uhhh, lost my horse. Also, I've got this strangest feelings that those creatures outside would just love to dig their fangs into my right now. Fresh meat for the killing, you know?" I was starting to stammer. This was only delaying the inevitable. Perhaps it would be best to just bolt out of the door right at that moment and take my chances. Once again, that crazy adventurous spirit was keeping me glued to the spot. Regardless of how terrifying they may have been, something inside of me wanted to know how these creatures before me had come about. I was beginning to theorize that when a candle guy and a candle girl love each other very muc-

"Well..." Lumiere tethered me back to the reality of the situation. "You see, Monsieur, our Master is a very difficult man to deal with. If it were up to me, thief or not, I would allow you to stay the evening with us. No man should have brave that forest alone, even a young scoundrel like yourself. The Master, on the other hand, is uhhh… how do you say? Less forgiving." Lumiere seemed to be genuinely concerned, his candle wax surrounding his eyes and mouth scrunching in concentration.

I could hear a horrible roar bellow from the upper levels of the castle. I practically leaped out of my skin. As if sentient household objects weren't enough, there appeared to be some sort of monster prowling about the surroundings. Drawing my knife, I ran towards the door. No matter what mysteries were going to be in store for me to potentially unravel, I didn't want to stay long enough to find out what made that call. All of the wildest sort of images began to race around in my mind about what could make such a sound. Some sort of slimy tentacle monster that had crawled out from the ocean's depths? Some sort of snake creature that would slither and constrict around me until my eyes popped out?

I was only a few steps away from freedom when there was no more need to imagine. My eyes widened and my pulse quickened as I got my first glimpse at the Master. At that moment, I knew what it meant to have death stare you straight in the face. I knew this was the creature who was going to claim my life.

The fury in his face was enough to leave me dumb struck. I couldn't back away. I couldn't move. I couldn't even manage to breathe. I was face to face with a gigantic hulking beast. There was no way of escaping him. I was certain there was no way of talking myself out of the situation. But lord, I tried.

"Yo-You're the master of the castle, right?" I straightened up. Now was the perfect time to fake courage. "Listen, I had just lost my horse. You know how those things are, they are always managing to run off when you most need th-"

"You attempted to steal one of my servants," he snarled. He had got me there. Though I wasn't aware that Lumiere was a servant at the time, I had attempted to steal him away. There was really no point in denying it. But lord, I did.

"Well honestly, what kind of a thief would just walk through the front doors of a castle and take the first thing that he sees?" This didn't make him any happier. I took a step back, hoping to distance myself from the monster. "Why, if I were a thief, I would have sneaked through one of the windows so as to come in undetected."

"Theft or not, you are not wanted in this castle." He seemed to talk in a perpetual state of growling. The only way to really describe him, I would say, would be to imagine a bear walking on his hind legs mixed with some sort of mythological creature with a slight dash of humanity. Visually, he was nothing more than a beast. And so, that is what I called him. Not to his face of course, but mostly to myself. And the occasional inanimate animate object that came across my path that was willing to listen to my woes (I'm getting ahead of myself).

"Well, if my presence isn't wanted, then I suppose I should be on my way the-"

"NO!" With a sudden brute force that swept me off my feet, the Beast had me in his clutches. Deciding that it was best not to fight against something that was about four times my mass and twice as tall as I, I decided to let myself go limp. "You are to stay here. As my prisoner." Feeling the hot breath of the Beast as it breathed, the only thought that crossed my mind is how I had allowed myself to get into this nightmare. Was it really worth all of this? Was it really worth my life to see what was inside the scary castle? I suppose it was, considering that I was there, but hitting rock bottom never felt good. At this point, I couldn't imagine myself crawling back up either.

The idea of being a prisoner to some smelly furry thing didn't much appeal to me. It would mean no more stealing and no more roaming about the countryside. No more freedom. It meant being stuck in some room someplace and perhaps being forced to meet the needs of my new Master. Believe me, all sorts of horrible and perverse images started coming to my mind. Having to clean? Totally not for me. Loathed the very thought of it (and still do). Cooking with no potential reward? Count me out. Things that I vowed I would never do as long as I was still alive on this planet? Well, maybe I do them for the right woman. Never for a big furry fuzzball.

No use in fighting it, I told myself. Best to just stay limp and let whatever will be happen. I very much loved my body. Perhaps going through all of the wretched discomforts that my imagination was projecting would be better than getting all of my bones smashed by the Beast. That seemed like the less preferable option. Rather be alive and miserable than dead. That is what I had always told myself when things got rough. I was going to reinforce that philosophy. More than ever.

"So…" I gulped. "When do I begin my prisonship, oh master of mine?"

* * *

_** It is funny how such a silly concept can become a bit of an obsession. What started off as a one-shot concept born from seeing Beauty and the Beast in 3D (there was a Tangled short at the beginning) soon blossomed into a full blown story with more layers than I had really intended. I think it almost got away from me, actually. The story started to demand that I start adding more and more to it and, well, I just couldn't resist. When a story wants something, I feel like I have no choice but to feed it.**_

_** This first chapter was a blast to write, and I'm looking forward to writing more for it. I'm not exactly sure where this is going to be going, but I've got some ideas. Some crazy ones. It should be fun.  
**_

_** I had seen this time and time again in other people's stories, so I've finally decided to give it a try as well. If you were to be so kind as to leave good honest reviews of my chapters, I'll respond to them in my own little column at the end of each chapter. If you ask some really interesting questions, I might get really into it. Reader/writer communication is always so much fun, especially as a story is continuing to unfold. **_

_** Hopefully you enjoy this little slice of crack fic. Yummy yummy crack. With serious relationship drama on the side. Relationships with crack? Even more yummy. At least for the writer.  
**_


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